Sunday, December 7, 2008

The truth is that we had a tough night with lots to do. There were children being children making lots of noise and demanding attention. There were things to get done to prepare for a weekend camping trip. I was looking for some old stock paperwork for a class action lawsuit settlement with a looming deadline. We tried to have some discussions about other things that were going on in our lives. The recent murder was shocking because, although we live in a big city, we live in a nice neighborhood where people walk their dogs at night. The murder took place in a nearby neighborhood that is more expensive and "better" than ours, so it does make everyone feel a little less secure.

Everything was important, but the reality is that our time is limited and we have to get things done. We both got testy and short with each other. We were both frustrated. It was not the end of the world; it was merely one of the many bumps in the road of our marriage. I know that, and in his heart Jay does too.

In recent months, he has improved a lot as a husband, father and mate. Most of the time he does everything he can to fulfill all of those roles. I recognize and appreciate his efforts. While I give him credit for his efforts in the present, I do still carry a lot of frustration for his many years of laziness and less dedication. Sometimes that does come out, and I know that is hard for him. But it's not like we got to start with a clean slate when he finally decided to change his ways.

We live in an old house that requires a lot of maintenance. It's beautiful and has the potential to be even more so, but it's also full of neglected and half-finished projects. When I trip over one of them for the tenth time in a day, sometimes I do lash out in frustration. Same goes for the laundry basket of papers to be filed and the filing cabinets that have not been cleaned out since our daughter was born four years ago. The list goes on and on. We are both working on creating order from the chaos, but with small children in the house it will take years to catch up. Frustration is inevitable.

We will be OK. We are strong, and we're committed to each other and our family. These things are simply the things that happen as we make our lives day by day.