* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
* In the 60 's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Does pushing the lift button more than once make it arrive faster?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle